


to mend a broken heart

by nolu



Series: jatp fics [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Canon character deaths, Other, Pre-Canon, angsty episode 1 hot dog scene rewrite, but with much angst, lots of angst lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28949343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nolu/pseuds/nolu
Summary: an angsty luke pov of the months following when he ran away leading up to the Orpheum performance.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Emily Patterson & Luke Patterson & Mitch Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: jatp fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127153
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	to mend a broken heart

_How do you mend a broken heart?_  
That was a question Luke Patterson asked himself nearly all of his waking hours. His mind was flooded with guilt and pain. It wasn’t a heart broken by romance, or a heart broken by grief. Well, almost grief. It was a heart broken by someone you never thought could break your heart. Broken by the one who’s supposed to be there, always.  
In that moment, nothing mattered more than chasing his dreams. His dreams that were getting closer and closer to coming true. Now, his mind chastised him for causing the people he loved so much hurt. The people who loved him. The people who raised him. He had gone and shattered their hearts without a second thought.  
Luke racked his brain, trying to find a way to apologize for the weeks of hurt and months of constant worry. Eventually, he had found the words and put them in a song. He tried to express how sorry he was, and how badly he wanted to make things right. How badly he wanted to fix things between them. How much he loved them. But the thoughts stayed unexpressed.  
Luke spent days trying to build up the courage to go home. To tell his parents that he loved them. That he was sorry. That he never meant to hurt them. But he couldn’t find the strength to look into their hollow and sorrowful eyes. So the words stayed unsaid.  
He spent hours and hours trying to find the words to say. He practiced and practiced, perfecting the lyrics, perfecting the chords. He imagined the scene over and over in his head, trying to find every scenario, every possibility. He imagined going home and being welcomed back with open arms. He imagined being chastised but still welcomed. He imagined being cast out, never wanted back. Eventually the amount of bad scenarios outweighed the good in his mind, so the song stayed unsung.  
The only thing that cleared his mind was playing with the band, and even that didn’t last long. The guilt found its way to everything Luke loved. The band was the reason he was ridden with guilt. It was almost funny, knowing the only thing giving him happiness was the cause of all his hurt.  
With time, the hurt turned into anger and frustration. He was angry at almost everyone, especially his mother. Why did she need to take the thing he loved to do? Why couldn’t she have been supportive?  
Every time he saw a missing persons flyer with his name on it, he would rip it off the wall and shred it to pieces. It was her fault he was here, wasn’t it?  
The rational part of him was angry at himself for being angry at his mom. The irrational part was only angrier by the day. His two sides warred as he continued to try and work up the courage to go home. But every day was different, with one side beating the other before falling back and letting the second take over. His turmoil stayed internal.

Months after he had left home, he and the band were going to play at the Orpheum. He wanted to ask his parents to come. He wanted them to be proud of him, to support him. To forgive him. To love him again. He decided he would go home.  
When he arrived on the doorstep, a written invitation and an apology in tow. He spent almost an hour painstakingly writing the invitation, willing his hand to write neatly. But when he stepped onto his porch, all of the courge he had built up left him, leaving him a wreck. He raised his fist to knock, but lowered it at the last moment. The invitation stayed unsent.  
He let himself forget them, just for a day. So he could focus on the band, and on their music. He laughed wholeheartedly with Alex, Reggie, and Bobby. He put his full attention and mental capacity on playing, knowing that when they finally got a manager he could go home. If he was successful enough, his parents would forgive him. They would love him again. _Just one day_ , He told himself. _One day and then you can go home and fix what you broke._  
When the night of the big performance finally came, nothing except excitement clouded his mind. After their amazing soundcheck performance, he thought nothing could stop them from being stars. As he and the boys flopped down onto a couch with street dogs in their hands, he thought that life couldn’t get any better. After that night, everything would change. He would go home, and his parents could be proud of him. He could be happy with himself, which was something he hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever. As he bit into his street dog, he thought that nothing had ever tasted better. It reflected his internal turmoil: good on the outside, with a bitter twang. _Bitter?_  
Luke’s eyes widened as he realized what was happening. Something felt as if it had lodged itself in his heart and twisted the blade. Tears streamed down his face as reality slammed into him. _How can I mend her broken heart if I’m gone? How can I make up for the hurt I’ve caused if I don’t exist?_ He frantically grabbed Alex’s phone, trying to dial his mom's number as fast as possible. He hit the call button, but he knew he was too late. He felt the world wobble, the ring of Alex’s phone a steadying anchor.  
“Hello?” Mom. He opened his mouth to respond. A million things he wanted to say went through his mind. _I’m sorry. I love you._ Goodbye. He felt his energy drop. He heard Alex and Reggie collapse into the couch, and his heart broke. _This is it. This is the end._  
“Mom?” His voice was weak and shaky, but he needed to tell her everything. The tiny word took more effort than he ever knew.  
“Luke?” He heard her voice hitch, filled with tentative hope.  
He willed himself to speak, to use what little energy he had left. “Mom, Mom I-” The world went dark. 

Luke felt his soul release, bitter and angry. But more than that, he was disappointed. Disappointed in himself, and how he decided to handle his own emotions. He looked down to see Alex’s phone, still on. His mother was still on the line, calling for him. He tried to call out, she couldn’t hear him. He felt his tears hit his feet, knowing that everything had changed. Everything had changed for the worst, and he was never able to mend the thing he regretted breaking most.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for reading! please let me know what you thought of this fic! its been chilling in my drive for a few weeks now and im still not sure how much i like it haha  
> find me on tumblr @deathdancer! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


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